What’s In A Name: Mine Conjures Images Of a Hockey-Mask Wearing Guy With A Machete Who Kills Teenagers That Fuck Near Wooded Areas.
It’s true folks. Names mean a lot. Name your kid Neidermeyer Jones and he’s going to be a douche. Name your kid Adamantium Jones and he’ll pull ass like, whoa! And sure, I may not know how babies are made, born, or properly raised but I feel that with a name like Adamantium there’s a safe chance he’ll have fewer confidence issues and could possibly be born with metal bones and if you’re super lucky (not counting you, woman who gives birth) metal claws! HOORAY FOR INDESTRUCTABLE BABY CLAWS! HOORAY!
Hello, my name is Jason and I’m an alcoholi—oh shit, sorry forgot where I was for a second. Hello, my name is Jason and it’s Greek origin means “to heal”. I figure that’s why I’m so good with band-aids. According to wiki.name.com, I also hosted a party for Paul Revere or some shit and led a group of Greek Astronauts on some kind of mission to a lesbian planet. I’m pretty badass.
By now you’re thinking, “Who are some other famous Jason’s? I know I’ve heard/seen that F-ing name before, of whom am I thinking?”
Well let me rank the other Jason’s for you:
2) Jason Priestly (He was in 90210, I think he wrecks cars or some shit for a living now)
3) Jason Bateman (He’s known for being Justine Bateman’s sister)
4) Jason London (He’s the one that doesn’t take drugs but was in Dazed & Confused. His brother did Mallrats, which wasn’t drug themed, weird right?)
5) Jason Reitman. (He directed some movies you may have seen)
That’s the end of the list. There’s me and these other shlubs. Upon reflection, it’s kinda sad actually. Maybe you expecting parents should get your shit together and choose a good name; might I suggest the name Jason, for instance?
Don’t name your kid that though if you think he’s going to grow up and sell meth. We Jason’s don’t need that kind of negative press. Don’t you dare raise some douche and ruin our good name.
–jason.
